Choices » Adoption

Adoption myths & facts

Myth #1: Birthparents who care about their child would never consider adoption.

Fact #1: You may think that if you consider adoption for your child, you are a cold, uncaring, selfish person. Maybe you’re afraid others will think you don’t love your child. In fact, women who make adoption plans for their children are among the most courageous, because they put their child’s needs first. You can speak with birthparents who have already placed a child for adoption and struggled with this issue. Choosing to place your child with a family that can provide a stable, loving, home is an act of love and sacrifice, not an act of abandonment.


Myth #2: A birthparent will never know anything about her child and his or her adoptive parents in the following years.

Fact #2: You may be thinking that you will never know anything about your child’s future life if you choose adoption. But today the sharing of information is very common. As the birthparents, you can help to develop an adoption plan that has the degree of openness you want. The adoption process today seeks to share information on a level that will benefit all- birthparents, adoptive parents and most importantly, the child.


Myth #3: All adopted children grow up to have serious psychological problems.

Fact #3: Perhaps you have heard that adopted children have serious problems with drugs, alcohol, personal relationships, and mental illness. Research does not support this misunderstanding.

Studies show that:

• Adopted and non-adopted children are similar in frequency of adjustment disorders, delinquency and mental illness.
• Adopted teenagers are as emotionally stable as non-adopted teenagers.
• Adopted individuals do not have more family problems than non-adopted individuals.
  
  

Myth #4: The birthmother will regret her decision for the rest of her life.

Fact #4: For the birthparent facing an unplanned pregnancy, making an adoptive place can be very positive. Adoption does involve a major loss for a birthmother. However, each option she can chose involves some gain and loss. With support and counseling, most birthmothers who chose adoption based on the best interests of their child and themselves are able to make it through the grieving process in a positive manner. A study in 1988 found that teen mothers who chose adoption for their child were as satisfied with their decision as those who chose to parent. When the adoption experience is handled properly, many birthmothers feel good about their decision years later. There exists no research that compares the trauma experienced by women who have chosen abortion to those who have chosen adoption.


Myth #5: Adoption is an irresponsible solution to an unplanned pregnancy.


Fact #5: Perhaps you’re ruling out adoption because you think you would be irresponsible if you made that choice. You may feel that your consequence for being sexually active or for becoming pregnant is to parent your child. Remember, just because you got pregnant does not mean that you are ready to be a parent. And even if you aren’t able to be a parent at this time in your life, you are still a good person and may be a wonderful parent when you are older and in a different situation.


Myth #6: A birthparent will forget about the child released for adoption.

Fact #6: Birthmothers never forget their children. They always hold a special place in their heart. Some young women facing unplanned pregnancies have found it helpful to learn about adoption first-hand through a birth-parent who has been through the process.


Myth #7: A child doesn’t really need a father.

Fact #7: Studies show that children benefit from having positive, nurturing parents who can provide both positive male and female influences. Two-parent families- where fathers take their responsibilities seriously and parents support each other- can be vital to a healthy childhood and strong family. Relationships, self-esteem, and achievement all can be positively affected when a child is able to grow up in a loving, two-parent home.


Myth #8: No one can love a child as much as the birthmother can.

Fact #8: Adoptive parents can love their child as fully and selflessly as biological parents. Good parenting is a matter of unconditional love and acceptance, consistently nurturing and caring in a way that puts the needs of the child first. Adoptive parents love their children as much as if they had given birth to them.

Sources: “Adoption Myths: 8 Misunderstandings About Adoption” Bethany Christian Services
“Five Myths about Adoption”, Loving & Caring, Inc.